What do Children Worry About During Divorce?

children and divorce

girl with head on father's shoulderThe transition from marriage to divorce may be daunting for parents, but kids may also have their own concerns in regard to the divorce. The family structure is being changed in a big way; therefore, they might have fears and concerns in regard to this life change. Both parents are well served by sustaining a sense of security within their new circumstances and being aware of their children’s concerns.

They’ll be poor

It’s likely that your financial circumstances are going to change after the dust clears from the divorce proceedings. It’s likely that you are changing from a dual-income household to a household with one income. Those changes are an expected and normal challenge in the case of divorce. Reassure your children that their needs will be met.  Make certain that any conversation you have with your kids is child-focused and age-appropriate.  Children just need to know that they are safe and secure.

They won’t regularly see extended families or both parents

Children will continue to have relationships with family members and both parents.  Assure your kids that they will continue to have relationships with both mom and dad.  Always remain in touch with your co-parent to solve all scheduling problems, so that your kids will be safe knowing that they’ll be given enough time with both of their parents.

That the divorce was their fault 

Children often mistakenly believe that they are somehow at fault for the divorce.  They may think that when they spilled the milk or fought with their sibling, it caused the divorce.  Reassure them that they are not the cause of the divorce, that both parents love them and will be there for them.  Be careful not to use the children as your sounding board about the divorce or the other parent.  Find another adult friend or a therapist to talk out your problems.  It’s OK to be sad in front of the children; just reassure them that you are sad for the moment, but you will be fine.  It’s not their job to take care of you or make you feel better; it’s their job to be kids.

For more information on the collaborative divorce process contact Collaborative Practice San Diego today!

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